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StephenColbert
I've taken a long vacation...All I do is say funny things...And I'm thinking of raising my own salary...What am I a Senator?
Updated 1002 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
I suggest we do what every good American does when dissatisfied with the state of affairs. Watch an episode of "So You Think You Can Dance"!
Updated 1027 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Today a little Chihuahua shaped piece of America died. The Taco Bell Chihuahua showed us that there's nothing more American than Mexican.
Updated 1034 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Math may be the language of the Devil, but statistics proves that reality really is what you make it.
Updated 1036 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
All I had to do to get back into Twitter was type my credit card number into some web site in Japanese! I'M BACK AMERICA!
Updated 1040 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
"Facts" are usually right, but that doesn't make them cool.
Updated 1040 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Intellectuals beware! Education is for people who love books, but hate America!
Updated 1042 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
The amount of twitter followers is directly proportional to to your patriotic manliness.
Updated 1044 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Remember kids! In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant.
Updated 1835 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Isn’t an agnostic just an atheist without balls?
Updated 1838 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
There's nothing wrong with stretching the Truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.
Updated 1841 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Like any good newsman, I believe that if you're not scared, I'm not doing my job.
Updated 1848 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Hey, America, are you thinking what I'm thinking? You soon will be.
Updated 1849 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
When life gets you down don't get mad, get Stephen
Updated 1852 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
How many roads must a man walk down before he is run over by an eighteen-wheeler of truth?
Updated 1852 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun.
Updated 1856 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Viewers of this show unite! You have nothing to lose but the facts.
Updated 1859 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
The world is a dirty place, and I am America's lemon-scented wetnap.
Updated 1860 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Is that Truth in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?
Updated 1862 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Guess what: The E in E-Mail...stands for 'E-Mail'.
Updated 1863 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? Consonant or vowel? Make up your mind, we're at war.
Updated 1865 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Giving a fly glasses is like giving a bear nunchucks.
Updated 1871 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Who's buried in Grants Tomb? Give up? I hope the police have too.
Updated 1873 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Nation, it's time to grab the bull by the horns. If there are no horns --you're grabbing a cow, STOP IT!
Updated 1873 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
February, if you had any balls you'd be three days longer.
Updated 1875 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
BEFRIEND ME! Soon we will defeat Darth Vader!
Updated 1875 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.
Updated 1881 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
I've got truth fever... seriously, I've been throwing up all day.
Updated 1881 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Nation, just remember the most important gun safety tip. If you have a gun, you'll be safe.
Updated 1884 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Been staring at this book and wondering why reading is so boring. As it turns out: I CAN'T READ!
Updated 1884 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
If foreign newspapers were any good, they'd be in English.
Updated 1886 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Due to my unauthorized spreading of the Truth I've been forced to enter the witness protection program.
Updated 1887 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Some people say the glass is half full of truth, some half empty. I say: GIVE ME SOME!
Updated 1887 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I'm a freaking lunatic!
Updated 1889 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Four years in Iraq! And some never thought we'd make it.
Updated 1889 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
The truth hurts. But fortunately for you nation... I'm a masochist.
Updated 1889 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.
Updated 1890 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Time to wake up, have a coffee cup of Truth, and a bowl of Justice. It is painful, but it hurts so good.
Updated 1891 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Put some pants on America, the Truth is knocking at the door.
Updated 1891 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Everyone ready for Colbert day in Oshawa, Canada?
Updated 1891 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Time for the heroes (my viewers) to go to bed, so they can get up and watch some Fox news with a bowl of my Americone Dream icecream.
Updated 1891 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Can't tell if the twiiter Condi is the real deal. Is that really Darth Vader? I think there's some fakers on Twitter...
Updated 1891 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Saw some Gala ("gay-la") apples at the Grocery store. Do not buy! Not only are they gay, but I'm pretty sure their French.
Updated 1892 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Got a new goldfish --his name is "WMD". Justice (my cat) doesn't like 'em, but I think he's cute.
Updated 1892 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
The company that owns my show (Viacom) is suing YouTube for publicizing us without our consent! (and for screwing our DVD sales!)
Updated 1893 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
The doctor ignored my eyes and diagnosed me with Megalomania. HA! My megalo feels just dandy. Clean it every day.
Updated 1893 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
I have a doctor's appointment for a burning in my eyes after reading the New York Times.
Updated 1893 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Had the funeral services for Anthrax (my goldfish). Couldn't decide if we should read from the Bible. God wrote it, but it's still a book!
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Tank Johnson (plays for the Bears) goin' to the slammer! I keep saying bears are evil, godless killing machines.
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Been reading some other twitter posts, some haven't "twittered" in a while -- I Love You Condi! Come back!
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Time to kiss my Peabodys and Emmys goodnight and get a good nights rest so I can destroy the liberal media tomorrow!
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Jimmy just mentioned bringing on a new writer. We have writers?
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Wow! I've been on the web for 8 hours now. Did you know you can download music from the internet? What could go wrong?!
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Getting some friends on twitter. Who knew that Darth Vader was so into the web!
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Anthrax (my goldfish) isn't feeling well. He's resting at the surface of his tank.
Updated 1894 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Too many numbers in our liberal Media. "300", "23", TV's Lost has some numbers (or so they tell me). They're the godless devices of science.
Updated 1895 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
This site is going so slow, maybe it's just my dial-up. Wait! Maybe that's why Papa Bear hasn't called back!
Updated 1895 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
I keep typing putting my credit card number into this thing, but I can't seem to buy anything!
Updated 1895 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
A new intern just asked how we'll do our research for the next show... I'm going to stop hiring college students, You get a D minus!
Updated 1895 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
I found myself at a site--"Twitter". It asks me what I'm doing, I find it odd, but I will indulge the public for now.
Updated 1895 days ago via web Permalink
StephenColbert
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
Just been polishing my Peabodys and Emmys, working on my books, and uncovering the truth!
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