Home > Mark Hoppus
they call me Young Heezy. | 1,859,782 Fans ON FIRE! Chance of Friendship: Dream On! 4.7 Tweets Per Day (TPD) 19.5% Reply Rate 237.8% Link Posting Location: www.gplus.to/markhoppus + Map |  @markhoppus Official Site | |
IT'S BEEN BUGGING ME FOR WEEKS! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING JON SNOW DID WITH HIS MOUTH?!
Updated about 2 hours ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Vote now to save the rhinos! Do as I command! http://t.co/S0H2Wliypf
Updated about 3 hours ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I need a Chun-Li in the streets and an E. Honda in the sheets.
Updated about 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Because of the time difference, my morning is everyone else's drunken meltdown. I feel left out.
Updated about 10 hours ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I'm initiating a hostile takeover. In my pants.
Updated 1 day ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
wait. are we all quitting tumblr over some arbitrary fake outrage or not? i'm so confused.
Updated 1 day ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
batman cannot wait for the party this weekend to use his "Bane is the bane of my existence" line on the ladies.
Updated 1 day ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
there was a typo in that last tweet. thanks to everyone who took time out their day to point that out. you are the real heroes.
Updated 1 day ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
husbands, commit a unrequested act of complete kindness for your wife now and then, so you can mercilessly lord it over her for months.
Updated 1 day ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
my outgoing voicemail message is just me laughing hysterically at you for thinking people still listen to voicemails.
Updated 1 day ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Horrible, awful, heartbreaking news about Oklahoma. So terrible. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Updated 2 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Okay I'm all caught up on all 7 seasons of Doctor Who you can all now talk about it without fear of spoiling anything for me thanks.
Updated 2 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Your underwear smells like someone threw up steamed broccoli and corn nuts.
Updated 2 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
They sentence people to home arrest as PUNISHMENT?! YGBFKM! Music. Video games. Caddyshack. Delivered food. Interweb.
Updated 2 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
My wife has a bottomless hole in her heart that she keeps trying to fill with decorative throw pillows.
Updated 3 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
1) get her number
2) wait 4 days to call
3) wait 2 days to return a text
4) always be the first to hang up
5) die alone
Updated 3 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Monday morning lyric writing. Have a great week! http://t.co/tH0FAKKmqi
Updated 3 days ago via MullerPhoto on iOS Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
So lame. I was supposed to buy tumblr but then at the last minute yahoo outbid me by 1.099999995 billion dollars.
Updated 3 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I'm pretty exhausted from my weekend in Paris but I'll keep charging through this week like normal because that's what heroes do!
Updated 3 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
Is there a song that can tell me whose sharona this is?
Updated 4 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I'm so hip, old people have ME replacement surgery. Haha. I'm terrific.
Updated 4 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I almost made a joke about someone masturbating a horse but then I found out the horse was real, not fictional, so I didn't. #class
Updated 4 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Beautiful day in Paris. https://t.co/lFV1A4PMSE
Updated 4 days ago via Vine - Make a Scene Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I woke up too early and now I have to go back to sleep to finish the dream about the mean old lady and her dogs.
Updated 4 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
4am club, Paris chapter. C'est la vie. Je vais a la plage.
Updated 5 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
The plus one in Paris. http://t.co/757w3AsOyN
Updated 5 days ago via Hipstamatic Permalink
markhoppus
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With my son. He got mad I didn't include his effort. Please have him play the theme at my funeral. On an ocarina.
Updated 5 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
If I ever die, please play the theme from Ordon Village at my funereal to commemorate the time I beat Twilight Princess over a weekend.
Updated 5 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
"You need an attitude adjustment. Are a fondue? Or a fondant?"
I'm so sorry.
Updated 6 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Look. We've gone over this time and time again. What don't you get? PAUL IS YOUR FAVORITE BEATLE!!
Updated 6 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
How did The Office finale end? Did they get off the island?
Updated 6 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
HOW COME NOBODY EVER PLAYS CHOPIN'S SONATA FOR PIANO NO. 2 IN B-FLAT MINOR OP 35 AT MY SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTIES?!
Updated 6 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Can you even IMAGINE the posthumous shame of someone laying on a coroner's table knowing their unbleached butthole is near to be discovered?
Updated 6 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
TBT New York City, circa 2001. http://t.co/KRnPTiyZBz
markhoppus
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i require ham.
Are you fucking kidding me?! This whole time I thought it was "Knights in White Satin." I'm so stupid. Sorry about me.
Updated 7 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "fuck, marry, kill" just the normal course of a relationship?
Updated 7 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
I still think it's weak that one of The Unsullied trained his whole life just to have his nipple cut off to prove a point.
Updated 7 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
all three european trophies. plastic fans. no history. glory hunters. HA! champions of europe. we know what we are.
Updated 7 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
ERWOUHUGHVCEIORUCGHMEIQCFGHIEMQCFGHHIPUEGQRHIWHINUOERLGHJCMVEHKRCMVPOEIRGHCMVEOPRWIGHVMCEOPRWICHMVEOPRWIGCHJVM!!!!!!! #CFC
Updated 7 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
The barista asked me how strong I'd like I my coffee and I told him I wanted to shit blood for a week straight.
Updated 7 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
comeonyoubluesbringhomesomesilverwaretonightkickittotheguydokneeslidesafterscoringstayonsidegooooooal!
Updated 7 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
And when the storm's gone I'm all Torna Pinside.
Updated 8 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
My best friend @robdelaney has a board game coming out, and here's the commercial for it, replete with expletives! http://t.co/sgOdIqnDmi
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I throw mad vibes out to the ladies when I'm walking my dog and carrying a bag of shit looking for a trash can.
Updated 8 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
How can we ever hope to achieve world peace when there are still people who can't accept the fact that Ross and Rachel were on a break?
Updated 8 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
So cool. “@Lazarides_Art: Another Invasion in London last week. Images courtesy of Invader. http://t.co/a5wh4ynNpM”
Updated 8 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
If you thought that last tweet lascivious you haven't watched the series. AKA me two weeks ago.
Updated 8 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
I want to be your Doctor, Amelia Pond.
Updated 8 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
i've had this song stuck in my head for two weeks. life is simultaneously horrifying and sublime. http://t.co/myb3kmlWnz
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Spinach/spirulina smoothie for breakfast now taking my dog to the vet I am basically the greatest man to ever walk the planet bow before me.
Updated 8 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
When the aliens come to rule our planet, I call NOT being the one that has to explain the concept of buttplay to them.
Updated 8 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Is this carton of milk supposed to smell like the garbage behind a dive bar?
Updated 9 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
By the way, you guys, it was MY IDEA for Lampard to break the record. You're welcome. #ChelseaFC
Updated 9 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I propose a moratorium on the following movie lines:
Who turned out the lights?
How do you stop this thing?
Hey that's my car!
Updated 9 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Erryone telling me not to eat cheese and I don't even eat cheese and also cheese is the best thing ever why would you tell me not to eat it?
Updated 9 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Nightmares all night. Every night. Nightmares on nightmares. Nothing but nights of nightmares. Please fix me.
Updated 9 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Wrong again. Your favorite Beatle is still Paul.
Updated 10 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
A sofa repair shop called "Sectional Healing."
Updated 10 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
If I ever die please respect my wishes and scatter my ashes on your breakfast cereal.
Updated 10 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Just destroyed that toilet like it was the fucking Death Star.
Updated 10 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Happy (early) Mother's Day to the HUGE spider that crawled in your mouth last night and laid eggs in your sinuses. They hatch in five days!!
Updated 10 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Think of your favorite Beatle.
Wrong. It's Paul. Your favorite Beatle is Paul.
Updated 10 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I'm joyous and hopeful of the future, but not "lady in a tampon commercial" joyous and hopeful of the future.
Updated 11 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I think it's ridiculous they might sack Mancini. He won the premier league last year, 2nd place this year, FA cup final. What gives?!
Updated 11 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Happy Mother's Day! Hardest and most important job in the world. Respect.
Updated 11 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
When my wife is furious, she hums. She's in the kitchen humming and I'm barricaded in the living room because fuck that I'm not going down!
Updated 12 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
do we ever learn why everyone is covered in hash marks when they are battling the silence in season six? doctor who. just yes or no please.
Updated 12 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
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So what if Charlie gave back the gobstopper?! Augustus drank chocolate in a room where "everything is edible." How's that worse?
Updated 12 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
The fact remains that Charlie STOLE fizzy lifting drink. It's so fucked that he won. How were the other kids' offences any less serious?!
Updated 12 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
@kayhanley thanks! it's kind of a shame, she's way too good for me.
Updated 13 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Look who got to London today! #1960Jazzmaster http://t.co/YaNduotLza
markhoppus
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i require ham.
I SWEAR IF I EVER CATCH YOU PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ON "EASY" MODE AGAIN, YOU WILL RUE THE DAY!! #parenting
Updated 13 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Playgirlin' in a Farrah Fawcett t-shirt. Circa 2000. http://t.co/RO5BDPMAR6
markhoppus
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i require ham.
I live my life by one simple credo: NSW. Never. Stop. Wiping.
Updated 14 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Currently working on a new sex position titled "The Place Beyond the Pines." Will advise.
Updated 14 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
Sometimes a draw feels more like a loss. So bummed.
Updated 14 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
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i require ham.
Our grandparents fought through WWII. Then our generation got pissy at one another over where we appeared in each others' MySpace top 8.
Updated 15 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
is anything NOT "the biggest night in fashion?" EVER? oscars? met ball? fashion week? bris? they're ALL the biggest night in fashion? pssh!
Updated 15 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
i have an extra ticket to the @chelseafc match tonight who wants to go?
Updated 15 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Stable of horses at the ZSL. https://t.co/LzVDCFoiOA
Updated 15 days ago via Vine - Make a Scene Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
The double I in the last one was part of teh joke. As is the misspelling of the in this tweet. Please attend my workshop.
Updated 15 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
markhoppus
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It looked cold out so I wore a light coat but it's actually a little warm do now I'm sweating just a bit but carrying on anyway. #hero
Updated 15 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
People think that playing in a band is easy, but they don't realize that some days I end up working for three to four hours IN A ROW!!
Updated 15 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Great job with the metallic leggings, ladies. Looking great. Capital work.
Updated 15 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
if there isn't an adult film star named "jizz-el" we're lost as a civilization. also i'm too scared to google it because nightmares.
Updated 16 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
I saw this on a wall today. http://t.co/ZMfpuuhA5n
markhoppus
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i require ham.
and by the way the nails looked great! OH NO IT'S STILL HAPPENING! lylas. nimby. tardis. osha. rem.
Updated 16 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
what. the. fuck. i just clicked on a link to see a supermodels "fancy new nails." what's happened to me? send help. sos. lol. tmnt. obgyn.
Updated 16 days ago via web Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Lifted the seat of the train toilet and there's BLOOD on the underside?! What's going on here, people?! Wait. I don't want to know. Ever.
Updated 17 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Exterminate!!
Exterminate!!
Exterminate!!
Updated 17 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
The movie "Rambo" was never titled "Rambo." IT WAS "FIRST BLOOD!!!" GET IT RIGHT!!
Updated 17 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
It's May and I'm watching Fred Claus with my son. Because that's what Dads do: watch off-season movies and pray for death.
Updated 17 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
You guys need to lighten up on Gwyneth Paltrow and Anne Hathaway. They're now under my protection. And I remain vigilant.
Updated 18 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
Counterintuitive! Dammit, counterintuitive was the word I was looking for. Yesterday. For the Jack and Jill tweet.
Updated 18 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
markhoppus
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We'll have those three points, thanks very much! #ChelseaFC
Updated 18 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
markhoppus
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markhoppus
i require ham.
i require ham.
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