Home > Conan O Brien
I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account. | 519,429 Fans POPULAR Chance of Friendship: Never 0.9 Tweets Per Day (TPD) 0% Reply Rate 247.3% Link Posting Location: Los Angeles + Map |  @ConanOBrien Official Site | |
I truly believe we’re all in this together. Now I just have to figure out what “this” is.
Updated about 22 hours ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Last night JJ Abrams showed a cut Star Trek scene of Cumberbatch showering. It was like looking at my reflection. http://t.co/IDze7b1Irv
Updated 2 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Mark my words: on the last episode of “Game of Thrones,” we will finally get to see all the dragons naked.
Updated 4 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
According to a new survey, almost 10% of women lie about the size of their breasts. Which is why I always carry around measuring tape.
Updated 5 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
It took me a while, but I finally ran Barbara Walters out of show business.
Updated 6 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Out of the loop… what’s all this about President Obama being worse than Cynthia Nixon?
Updated 7 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
President Obama is embroiled in 3 scandals. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Amateur.”
Updated 8 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Tonight I try out a new desk made of 100% @ImHeatherGraham. http://t.co/mHm0mUnM3g #HeatherDesk
Updated 8 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I just found out I’m being audited. I don’t remember joining the Tea Party.
Updated 9 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just tried to make a Benedict Cumberbatch anagram and I now have a hernia.
Updated 9 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
For fun, I sent a dick pic to Siri and she just replied, “I think you meant to send a picture of a penis.”
Updated 11 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
You know what they say. So I guess I don’t have to tell you.
Updated 12 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! For your gift I sent you this message in a medium I know you neither receive nor understand.
Updated 12 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
My version of a meltdown is spending 5 minutes angrily shouting the word, "chambray" to LL Bean's automated voice recognition system.
Updated 14 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
According to a new poll, Kristen Stewart is now the least trusted movie star in America. Movie star? She told me she was a cattle rancher!!!
Updated 15 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Forbes Magazine named Tim Tebow America’s most influential athlete. Just 1 more reason why I always get my sports news from Forbes Magazine.
Updated 15 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
YouTube may start charging? I guess cats are sick of working for free.
Updated 16 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just downloaded a cool new app that lets me use my phone as a drink coaster.
Updated 17 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
No crazy North Korea news in a while. So I guess that's all solved then?
Updated 19 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I watched the Kentucky Derby and said to my wife, “All that build up for 2 minutes.” Why did she give me that look?
Updated 19 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The more I learn about prunes, ichthyosaurs, and basket-weaving, the more I question my reading habits.
Updated 20 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Paparazzi are the worst. Sometimes I give them the exact time and address, and they’re still late.
Updated 21 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just saw that movie "Oblivion". Apparently everyone in the future is either really good looking or Morgan Freeman.
Updated 22 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Last night I wore undies with @KeshaSuxx's face -- just as the old gypsy predicted: http://t.co/LSvE9CYQGx http://t.co/TdseDO71z0
Updated 23 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Congratulations to NBA player Jason Collins on being brave enough to admit that he’s a Washington Wizard.
Updated 25 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
President Obama and I had so much fun Saturday night, we’re performing next week at the Toledo Funny Bone.
Updated 25 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
This supermarket is replaying my White House Correspondents' performance. There is nowhere else to go in showbiz. http://t.co/7utOSefwnl
Updated 26 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just rehearsed my routine to an empty ballroom at the Washington Hilton. The one guy unfolding chairs loved it. http://t.co/SEDqMZNUgG
Updated 27 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just visited the @WhiteHouse press room. Lost my temper and ejected the reporter from the Christian Science Monitor. http://t.co/AADdrPzOPX
Updated 28 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
In D.C. to perform at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Practicing my opening "Goofy Sunglasses" bit: http://t.co/948FxoLz2N
Updated 30 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
We bring #TheSimpsons writing room to my studio in the latest episode of #SeriousJibberJabber: http://t.co/sfct5mlnM6
Updated 30 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Scientists claim that half of the world’s languages will be dead by the end of the century. So I learned Klingon for nothing.
Updated 32 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
All the living presidents were at the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library. Bush demanded to know, "Where's Martin Sheen?"
Updated 33 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I thought auto-erotic asphyxiation was when you strangle your car while you're having sex with it.
Updated 34 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Hey @BenFranklin... technically, the first person to be electrocuted discovered electricity.
Updated 34 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I’m in the best shape of my life. Just benched twice my birth weight.
Updated 35 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just overheard a guy describe his friend as “Conan, if Conan wasn’t ‘Conan.’” Sadly, I know what he means.
Updated 36 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Accountant yelling at me about box of Omaha Steaks I sent to each new follower in 2012.
Updated 37 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Someone in the Vatican was found downloading porn. He was looking at shocking images of women in positions of leadership.
Updated 40 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Congrats to Adam Scott on his incredible and historically significant Masters win! I hope this doesn't mean he's leaving "Parks & Rec".
Updated 40 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
20 years ago today I auditioned for my "Late Night" job. Here's what it looks like when an 11 year old hosts a show: http://t.co/FQQJQMT1Z9
Updated 41 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just learned that Spotify can’t turn people into dogs.
Updated 42 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I expected @CharlieSheen to arrive at my show in style tonight, and he did not disappoint. http://t.co/7VpKmyXO6g #CONAN
Updated 43 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just got photobombed by George Clooney. Okay, I stepped in front of his golf cart.
Updated 44 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Facebook has apologized to a mom for removing breastfeeding pics - the only baby pictures on Facebook that anyone has ever wanted to see.
Updated 44 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The 1st line of Brad Paisley’s “Accidental Racist” is “To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main”. That old country cliché?
Updated 45 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
It was a great weekend of basketball, but for me, the Final Four will always be the winner and three runners-up on “Toddlers & Tiaras.”
Updated 46 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
It's hard to transition from The Walking Dead to Mad Men in one week. AMC could help by having Don Draper wear an eye patch.
Updated 47 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Congrats to Louisville on their last second win. I want to say I was on the edge of my seat, but I was in a beanbag chair eating gelato.
Updated 48 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Thanks for a great week, Atlanta! Now, does anyone know how to get BBQ stains out of a white silk kimono? I'm asking for a friend. #ConanATL
Updated 49 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I got naked with @ChelseaHandler last night. I had no idea this was being filmed. http://t.co/JDshc2tdwQ http://t.co/MDpvD3L2rF
Updated 51 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
This is either a great Turner promotional scheme, or a frightening look at how we humans will evolve. http://t.co/NVDPqG0YmM #ConanATL
Updated 51 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Paul Rudd and I just did a #selfie. We're not good at this. http://t.co/JP5cxm8qGo #ConanATL
Updated 52 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
As thanks for me plugging #ThisIsTheEnd, @SethRogen posed for a backstage pic of him fleeing a space zebra: http://t.co/y2ofHKqQGM #ConanATL
Updated 53 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just went to Easter Mass in Atlanta. This woman is rocking the bonnet I was going to wear. http://t.co/GsAtDb6N8s #ConanATL
Updated 54 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Came across this photo in a Civil War museum here in Atlanta. The resemblance is uncanny: http://t.co/OnV0JiuzTs #ConanATL
Updated 56 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just arrived in "Hotlanta" to do my shows and it's 48 degrees. Renaming it "Unseasonably Cold for This Time of Year-Lanta"
Updated 57 days ago via Twitter for iPhone Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Hear that? That’s the sound of Harlem Shake videos NOT being made. I think we’re in the clear. Uh oh, I hear something outside my office…
Updated 57 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
.@HBO sent me this personalized #GameOfThrones box. It's the perfect place to store my #Homeland DVDs. http://t.co/NQnvrFd3qx
Updated 58 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Anyone know any unusual taxidermy shops? I’m looking for a bear playing tennis.
Updated 59 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
One of my favorite bands, @LanghorneSlim, is on tonight. As your doctor, I'm prescribing their album IMMEDIATELY: http://t.co/iifptxeDuk
Updated 61 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she's overdue?
Updated 61 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I've been practicing like crazy, and I now play just as well as Jimi Hendrix. I'm talking about shuffleboard.
Updated 62 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Harvard just won its first ever NCAA basketball tournament game. Finally, that spunky little school is catching a break.
Updated 63 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
$3 million raised on Kickstarter for new Veronica Mars movie. Can a Conan movie be far behind? Yes.
Updated 64 days ago via Twitter for iPad Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Visiting Atlanta and I dropped in on some locals. http://t.co/rzba32wPtx
Updated 66 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I picked M.I.T. in my NCAA pool. Their robots are unstoppable.
Updated 67 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Best diet pill to lose 30 pounds in under 1 month! (Just kidding, it’s really me.)
Updated 67 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Happy St. Patrick's Day. I'm celebrating my family's long history of depression and ineffectual rage.
Updated 69 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Are my allergies worse in LA? I think I just sneezed out my pancreas.
Updated 70 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
People are asking me if this guy is real or an actor doing a bit. I swear to God he's 100% real. http://t.co/esVOl1HOb4
Updated 71 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Scientists have built an Internet for robots. My advice: knock before entering your robot’s bedroom.
Updated 72 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Pretty soon The View is just going to be Whoopi Goldberg, alone, quietly checking her email.
Updated 72 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Felt a big tremor yesterday in LA. That was either an earthquake, or Ryan Gosling smiled softly in Southeast Asia.
Updated 74 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Turns out Folgers in my cup is only the 27th best part of waking up.
Updated 75 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I went to jail as a teenager and I cried the whole time. Haven’t played Monopoly since.
Updated 76 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Samoan names are just plain cooler than Irish ones. So from now on, I’m Conoa Obrienasopo.
Updated 77 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
If you have a table that you use just for scrapbooking, chances are we don’t agree on what’s funny.
Updated 78 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Did I dream this or was this on my show last night? http://t.co/GuixXF72wL
Updated 78 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Is it a Freudian slip when you mean to say “saxophone” and you actually say “Man, I sure would love to have hot steamy phone sex?”
Updated 79 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Cool Ranch-flavored lube. #JustPuttingItOutThere.
Updated 80 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Don’t you hate it when the false bottom on your sock drawer holds less than 10 Victoria’s Secret catalogs?
Updated 81 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Someone once told me, "Conan, I'm going to murder you, or my name isn't Harvey Weinstein."
Updated 82 days ago via Twitter for Android Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Give a man a fish, and he’ll ask why you’re trying to pay for your haircut with fish.
Updated 83 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I love how Vine lets me record 6-second videos - it’s perfect for making sex tapes.
Updated 84 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I got to play Sloth in a #Goonies re-enactment with @BigBang_CBS' Johnny Galecki. I think I'm more of a Ma Fratelli: http://t.co/CvYvWiAnxR
Updated 85 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The line between hipster and homeless gets thinner by the day-scarf.
Updated 86 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Last night on #Conan I met the love of my life, then tragically lost her. Her name was Lara Croft. http://t.co/pUuSLB4wGY #CluelessGamer
Updated 87 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Confirming my appearance on your podcast tomorrow.
Updated 88 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Jennifer Lawrence: Sorry I couldn't be your Oscar date tonight, but Emmanuelle Riva is going to be there - and you know how my exes are.
Updated 89 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I relate a little too much to that new Marvel superhero, Captain Needy.
Updated 91 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Just hired Dr. Dre to produce my first rap album, “Ladies Be Frightening”.
Updated 91 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Pope just asked if he could crash on my couch for 2 weeks in March. Guy is spiraling.
Updated 92 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
I'm honored to host the WH Correspondents dinner. Get ready for 2 minutes of jokes, then 40 minutes on public employee pension reform.
Updated 94 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
In honor of President’s Day, I won’t be getting along with Congress.
Updated 96 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Billy Dee Williams was offered a role in Django Unchained but he didn’t want the Dee to be silent.
Updated 96 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Why is no one talking about the killer tans everyone on that cruise ship came back with?
Updated 97 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Delta policy is to seat all redheaded comics together. http://t.co/vaTWohxu
Updated 98 days ago via web Permalink
ConanOBrien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
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